hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
