i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
