Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
operation have a gay friend backfired
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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