Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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