Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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