can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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