9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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