My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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