I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
