But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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