WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I understand Curling. That high.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
