I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
