I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Randomize