They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
