I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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