p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
