I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
