once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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