Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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