I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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