I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She's like a pop up book from hell.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
