You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
