the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
