Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
