Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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