"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
