Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
