I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
