remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
