You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
