the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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