absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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