If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
