last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
