the condom got lost in my hair
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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