I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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