exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize