Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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