glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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