Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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