I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
