I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
