I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize