So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
