shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
