she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
