i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
