I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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