dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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