No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
