My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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