were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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