when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I am midnight drunk by noon
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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