sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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