she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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