He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Small penises have feelings too.
I've blown a few things in my day
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
