went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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