hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize